I am reading a new book and one of the chapters mention some of the myths in marriage. I though this post would be beneficial for those who are considering marriage but also for the rest of us who are married already. It’s a good reminder that our expectations in marriage (every day) need to be adjusted to the real world.
“Everything will be perfect…
All the bad in my life will disappear…
Those statements and many others have been handed down through countless generations, and its widespread appeal is epitomized in such storybook legends as “Cinderella”.
In this story, a poor stepdaughter who toils as a servant for her wicked step family is rescued by a handsome and gallant Prince Charming. They fall in love and “live happily ever after.”
No matter that Cinderella has been socialized to feel at home among the kitchen ashes and would have no idea how to behave in the pomp and circumstance of the royal court. No matter that Prince Charming has grown up in an entirely different culture and acquired its education, tastes, and manners.
No matter that the two of them know nothing about each other’s attitudes toward the roles of wives and husbands. All they have in common is a glass slipper and a foot that fits it!
“Of course, love doesn’t work that way”, you say. “It’s just a child’s fable”. That’s true. But deep down, we long for a Prince Charming or Cinderella to right the wrongs and make everything bad go away.
Many people marry to avoid or escape unpleasantness. But no matter how glorious the institution of marriage, it is not a substitute for the difficult work of inner spiritual healing. Marriage does not erase personal pain or eliminate loneliness. Why? Because people get married primarily to further their own well-being, not to take care of their partners’ needs. The bad traits and feelings you carried around before you were married remain with you as you leave the wedding chapel. A marriage certificate is not a magical glass slipper.
Marriage is, in actual fact, just a way of living. Before marriage, we don’t expect life to be all sunshine and roses, but we seem to expect marriage to be that way.
Getting married cannot instantly cure all our ills, but marriage can become a powerful healing agent over time. If you are patient, marriage can help you overcome even some of the toughest of tribulations.
Fairy tales usually end with the simple phrase: “They lived happily ever after” and we do not know anything after that. Our real world and faith sees the wedding day not as a place of arrival but the place where the adventure begins!
So, next time your marriage is facing a difficult time because of your past, remember that you are living a real life adventure where, with time, can become an agent of healing, fostering psychological and spiritual growth.
PS: I still like Cinderella story! 😉
Saving your marriage before it starts. Parrott & Parrot.
Have you faced the myths of marriage with honesty?, adapted.