Archive | January 2013

A man’s pride

What does make a man proud?

His masculine qualities that I mentioned previously; he likes to show them off and draw attention through his conversation and actions. Like any male animal, such as the peacock and the rooster or the bull and the lion, he likes to show off in front of the female and demonstrate his manly powers.
And because it’s very important for him, this is the area where a man is most vulnerable, his pride is extremely sensitive. Cannot bear to their masculinity is despised, ridiculed, or inconspicuous. Let’s remember some of the male characteristics:
1. Physical: His strength, his body structure and sexual ability.
2. Spiritual: His courage, his honor, his determination, his aspirations and ideals.
3. Mental: His intelligence, his intellectual gifts, achievements and leadership qualities.

HIS SUFFERING.

When a man is despised suffers humiliation. He experiences it like a strong breakout or a crushing sensation. Whatesad-manver form the humiliation takes, it is always a painful experience for him.

SERIOUS CONSEQUENCES DUE TO WOUNDED DIGNITY
If it was just a strong breakout or a crushing sensation what a man feels when he is humiliated, it probably could stand, but there are other much more harmful consequences that we need to understand.

WALLS.  When a man is often disparaged tends to build a wall around him -an impenetrable barrier to those who have offended him.
When this happens, he will be distant. He will speak, but with caution. You will not know his innermost thoughts, as he will not disclose them. He would not trust you. He will be reserved in his actions and he will share very little of his achievements, his problems and his dreams. Through all his actions you can detect a sense of unhappiness in it.
Occasionally a man will retract and stop talking altogether. It is like he locked up in himself. In these circumstances it is difficult, almost impossible to be close to him.

This tendency of men to build a wall of reserve around themselves is common. The more skilled they are, are more likely to do so when his pride is hurt.

WHAT HAPPENS TO HIM?
It is extremely important that you understand what he is suffering. First, he has pride. He loves to strut like the bull or lion, for you to admire his dreams, expectations, achievements and skills, all of which are qualities that encloses within him. But he does not share them. Why? Because he’s afraid to receive contempt or indifference from you, again

He will not expose anything because of his fear. He wants to confide in you, open his heart, but his fear prevents him. These two contradictory feelings seem to be a war within him: the desire to be admired, against the fear of receiving another humiliation, and it is this conflict that makes him feel so miserable.
There should be no reserve walls between husband and wife in an ideal marriage. This is the short list of this philosophy. A man should always be able to express his feelings through words or actions, without fear. When he feels the desire to open his heart, there should be no barriers. If you sense any reservations about your husband, eliminate them as soon as possible. If not, the man will be looking for someone who can be a confident.

HOW TO BREAK HIS WALL?

You cannot force him out of his enclosure. You must break the wall indirectly, secretly:

1. Accept him. If you continue criticizing him, or do not feel satisfied with him, your husband will not want to expose his feelings.

2. Admire his masculinity. Your admiration will do more to break the reserves than any effort you make.

3. Stop belittling. You must delete all comments that hurt his dignity.

4. Do not criticize others. If you are a gossipy and judgmental woman, he never will trust you his thoughts.

5. Keep sacred confidences. You must prove him that you will not share with other what he confidence to you. How can you know than others will also admire him? Perhaps they will ridicule him, your husband does not want the contempt or indifference of others either.

Remember: Only the absolute certainty that they will be ridiculed or treated with indifference induces him in the wall of reserves.

couple-inlove

It is important that you know how to treat a man as he withdraws into himself. You cannot get him out of his withdrawal directly. Neither should he feel ashamed of his attitude by you saying, “Why are you so quiet?” Or, “I do not know why you never tell me anything.” You just cannot force him to share.

The only way it is to be gentle and reassuring. If you give him a kiss and tells him how proud you are of him, he will possibly soften. This is the only thing you should do at that time and the only comfort he needs.
His wall is a serious consequence of a wounded dignity, but at the same time, it’s a sign of sensitivity on his part.

When a man’s pride suffers for a long period of time, he learns to protect himself from pain. He becomes indifferent; his senses are stunned and numb. The man who has immunized himself against pain suffers of lack of enjoyment or pleasure. He does not enjoy anything.

IN THE WORLD OF WORK
Women are not the only one who helps the man feel humiliated. In the world of work, his pride is often brutally trampled, his ability is questioned, and in some companies, gossiping is very common. Some bosses even sadistic undermine their employees. There is a struggle for positions in which men discredit each other, sometimes it is a creditor or a customer who makes sharp comments. Many employees are ridiculed even by his superiors.
But it is the sum total of the injuries suffered which is harmful. That’s why it’s important to receive him with deeply love and admiration.

Are you showing your husband admiration?

Source:  “Fascinating womanhood” by Helen Andelin