SECRET NUMBER ONE: Accept him as he is. Look to his good side.

Accept him as he is, and NOT TRY TO CHANGE HIM.

Accepting him as he is means that you accept all his habits, his weaknesses, his dreams, or lack of them, and his beliefs. You accept him as another human being, part good, and part bad, just like yourself.

We women try and change our husbands. But they don’t change. It’s a very common fault with us women.

Why you must not try and change your husband? Trying to force a man to change always creates problems; it just doesn’t work with men. A man may give into our persistence just to keep the peace, but he hasn’t really changed, not inside. And we pay a high price for having things our way. He becomes resentful and cool, and withdraws much of his love.

Why is this so? Because by trying to change and improve our husband, we are telling him that we are not satisfied with him as he is. His sensitive male pride is wounded.

He knows his weaknesses. But he needs you to admire his strengths, not draw attention to his weaknesses. Your husband needs your admiration like you need his love.

When you try and change him, he feels just as you would feel if he told you outright to your face that he didn’t love you anymore.

Trying to change a man does not work. It lessens his love for you. It saps his self confidence and his manhood. He may even feel unworthy of you. It also breeds resentment.

The more you pressure him, the more he resists changing. That’s the way men are. We have just got to accept it. When we try and change our husband, he will tend to spend more time away from home. He will seek out the company of those who do accept him. Perhaps at the place he works, or with his mates. Sometimes with another woman. Or he may just close himself off from you, in front of the TV, or a computer.

He will also tend to become critical towards you, or cold, or hardly speak to you at all. Miracles happen when a man feels fully accepted by the woman he loves. Real change only comes from within. It must be his idea. He must WANT to do it for you.

Remember, he knows his own faults. The more a man loves you, the more he will want to please you. A man will go to unbelievable lengths to please a woman he loves.

The famous and beautiful Taj Mahal in India, was built by an Emperor as a memorial to his favorite wife Mumtaz. He loved her dearly. She bore him fourteen children, and he wept bitterly when she died.”

He also built her a magnificent, white marble palace while she was alive. We too can arouse these noble and gallant feelings in our men, but we must change ourselves first.

Before we get too self-righteous and critical about our husbands, let’s take a good look at ourselves. Are we that perfect? All right, some of us would like our husbands to give up their drinking, their TV sport and other habits. But what about our chocolate? What about our cakes and biscuits? Our tea and coffee?  Our fizzy drinks? How easily could we give them up? And how successful are we at keeping to our diets? And TV sports, how many of us are addicted to our soap operas?

One of the most useful lessons we can learn in life is to stop blaming other people for our own problems and weaknesses. We can only begin to change ourselves when we accept responsibility for our own problems.

We must accept our husbands fully, and we must forgive them fully, in our hearts for all their past mistakes. Think back to your courtship days. Would you have been attracted to him if he didn’t have virtues or a good side?  As women, we hold the key to unlocking the goodness in our man. Therefore, it is required of us first to forgive him. Then we must trust him and allow him complete freedom. Personal growth comes only through freedom.

We try to control his behavior because we fear losing his love. But he will be FAR MORE ATTRACTED TO US when we maintain an air of freedom, mystery and self-confidence. Just as we did during courtship. However, we must never give him the impression that we do not need him. We need to be an elusive, free spirit, yet dependent on him for our support and protection. Can you understand what I mean? This is natural, feminine behavior when we have no fear of losing a man’s love. After all we don’t restrict or cling to our fathers do we? Why? Because we feel secure in their love.

Let’s think in the relationship we have with our pets, such as a cat or dog, also illustrates this principle. Our pets are free spirits, yet they depend on us for support. And because of this freedom of spirit we love them more deeply don’t we? True. Love can never be forced. True love requires freedom and acceptance.

Do you accept your husband the way he is?

Make a list of all your husband’s masculine virtues. And you will be surprised what you find out.

Source: Fascinating womanhood” by Helen Andelin

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