When do we have a right to be angry with our husband?
I’d say, when he mistreats us. Or when he insults us, or criticizes us unfairly. Even if he overworks us, or ignores us.
We cannot be happy in our marriage if we allow our husband to mistreat us or take us for granted. I’m not talking about little things. It’s best to overlook those. Or to let them build up before speaking out.
Let’s look at how a child expresses anger. Sometimes a child stamps her feet. And she has this cute way of folding her little arms, putting her chin in the air and going ‘humph’. Then if nobody takes enough notice, she tosses her curls and stomps out of the room, glancing back to see what effect it’s having.
This childlike way of handling anger IS cute. We women find it cute. Men find it even cuter, whether in little girls or grown up women. It makes them want to hug us.
Although some children, when they get angry, throw a tantrum and scream and yell and kick and say hurtful things. What happens then?
It arouses our own anger.
But when a child or woman expresses anger the cute, childlike way, it doesn’t arouse the person’s anger. And more importantly, when a woman expresses her anger this way, it doesn’t challenge her husband’s masculinity.
But when we start shouting, or arguing, or worse still, swearing, we arouse our husband’s own anger. We instantly kill his affection for us. We just wither it up. Just like spraying a beautiful flower with weed killer.
Why is this? Because when we direct our anger toward him in this way, we demean his authority and his masculinity.
He becomes defensive, and tries and often succeeds in blaming us for the problem. We also fall from our pedestal in his eyes.
So we must always express our anger in a feminine, non-challenging way. Without any harshness or ugliness. Without losing our feminine charm.
When you show your anger in this feminine way, you are far removed from arousing your husband’s anger. In fact the opposite occurs. He sees you as cute and fascinating.
You become adorable in his eyes. You actually enhance his love for you.
We can even call them names if we like. But NEVER, NEVER USE NAMES THAT DEMEAN A MAN’S MASCULINITY, like “useless” or “little man” or “no hoper” or “dumb”. Those kind of names arouse deep resentment in a man. They can permanently destroy his love for you, especially if he believes you mean what you say.
This can be so serious that it’s right up there with unfaithfulness in marriage. It’s like your husband telling you to your face, “I have never loved you”
Isn’t it better just to be serene and keep our anger to our selves?
In minor matters, yes. We can work off mere annoyances by vigorous exercise, or complaining out loud to ourselves when nobody can hear us. But even God gets angry over major things.
Once strong anger has arisen, it’s best to release it, or diffuse it as soon as possible. Otherwise it can settle into resentment for years.
Bottled up anger and the lack of forgiveness which usually goes along with it, can lead to depression and other illnesses.
But remember, we’re not talking about mere annoyances. We have to learn to take these in our stride. Usually a good night’s sleep is all we need to clear away these feelings.
But when our husband clearly mistreats us, we should show our upset feelings immediately. We should not wait. We need to express it straight away, in a childlike manner.
By letting him know as soon as we are hurt by his actions, a man can then immediately link his actions with the cause of our pain. He doesn’t have to try and think back to what he might have said and done.Men like us to be open and straight forward with them, as long as we do not challenge their masculinity or leadership.Have you all heard the proverb of wise King Solomon? ‘
A soft answer turns away wrath.
I’m sure you have. It really works.
This feminine way of handling anger we learn in this Secret Number Ten is just wonderful. It saves marriages. It really does!!!
In the next days I’ll give you extra information for those 10 SECRETS. Hope to see you back!
Source: “Fascinating womanhood” by Helen Andelin