You remember last week, about the sensitive pride of men? And how painful it is for them when we women wound it. And also how easy it is for us to do so? Well, we wives can learn not to hurt our husband’s pride, but we can’t stop other people hurting it. And they will hurt it.
Many times your husband will come home to you, tired and discouraged. Not because of over work, as you might think, but because somebody has wounded his pride. Perhaps he was not shown appreciation for something good he had done. Or he may have been criticized or reprimanded by a superior. Maybe a customer or a work colleague made a hurtful remark. He may have made a foolish mistake that embarrassed him in front of his coworkers. That’s very common.
Most men are too ashamed to reveal the real reason for their discouragement, so resist the urge to pry. He’ll tell you if he feels like doing so. However, this is the time he needs you most. THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT TIME OF YOU AS A WIFE. This is the time to heal his wounds. Ignore any grumpy remarks. Make allowances. Don’t react. Remember he is your Number One. The children can wait. The meal can wait. Make him comfortable. Listen to him talk if he wants to. Give him at least thirty minutes of peace and quiet. That’s not too much to ask is it? His better side will soon surface, especially after he has eaten.
Appreciate the heavy responsibility our husbands carry throughout their lives, especially their working lives. When a man marries, he takes on his shoulders the burden of providing for a family. He cannot lay this burden down with a clear conscience as long as he lives. He knows his family’s success and welfare rely heavily on his efforts. The burden is with a man twenty-four hours a day. Most men take this responsibility very seriously.
Your husband’s work world is competitive. His job is never 100% secure. There’s often constant pressure on him to exceed last year’s efforts. Pressure to keep up with competitors, and his peers. And as he ages, energetic younger men sometimes surpass him and are placed in positions over him.
So when your husband arrives home, give him smiles, comforting words, and a sympathetic ear. A man cannot help but deeply love a woman who treats him lovingly, and comforts him when he is tired and discouraged after a long day. Take the time to look your best for him.
Turn a blind eye to his less than best behavior as he collapses and unwinds. He has come home to you to recover. He is tired of being his best all day. Your husband needs you to comfort him when he’s discouraged. He needs you to heal the wounds that others have inflicted on his pride.
So when your husband suffers a severe blow to his pride, sympathize with him. But also let him know that you still believe in him. That’s what he needs most, your trust in him. Remain calm and optimistic. Don’t tell him to count his blessings. Don’t offer advice to solve his problems, unless he asks you. Just sympathize with him, support him, trust him.
When he feels better, again express your confidence in him. Let him know you trust his ability to overcome the crisis. Don’t minimize his problems, or make it sound too easy. You’ll rob him of his potential heroism. Let him feel that no matter how great the struggle, you are confident he will be successful. And whatever you do, don’t take over the reins. Let him remain in control.
Hold him as you sit with him. Look into his eyes as you speak to him. Remind him of his strengths. Truly trust him. He won’t let you down. Love is the greatest power in the universe.
Source: “Fascinating womanhood” by Helen Andelin