SECRET NUMBER TWO: Admire his masculine qualities.


THAT is your husband’s greatest need. Yes, a woman’s greatest need is to be loved, but a man is different. His greatest need is to be admired.

Admiration is the food of a man’s soul. He needs it daily. He yearns for it. He craves it. Men will even give their lives for it. On the other hand, failing to keep this law, and wounding our husband’s sensitive male pride, causes him to suffer deep hurt. He becomes very unhappy.

We women ARE born with a desire for strong and caring male leadership. While men, with their highly sensitive masculine pride, and strong muscular bodies are programmed, so to speak, to lead women.

This strong, God-given pride is what drives men to want to lead, and to protect, and to provide for women. God has programmed it into men so to speak. This strong desire in a man to protect and provide for a woman, is just like the strong mothering instinct God has programmed into we women. In the same way it drives us to protect and provide for our children.

A man’s in-born masculine pride is so sensitive, that if challenged by a woman, the hurt cuts him deep like a knife. This often arouses instant anger and harshness. Sometimes it results in physical violence, but more often, in deep resentment. A man just cannot bear to have his fragile and sensitive pride belittled or ridiculed by his wife, or any other woman.

We wives can deeply hurt our husband without realizing it. Our words can cause him severe mental pain. This is why so many men erect an invisible wall around themselves. A wall of silence, to protect against this pain.  They stop confiding in us, and only rarely have long conversations with us. They will not share with us their innermost feelings, although they long to do so.

This can be heartbreaking for a wife. She despairs of ever breaking through his wall of silence. Yet she will sometimes hear her husband confiding to others. Sharing his thoughts and problems and dreams in a way that he never does with her. This causes her much distress and unhappiness.

Now sometimes we deliberately hurt our husband’s pride with a sharp tongue and angry tone, but more often we do it in jest. We laugh or mock some masculine quality about him. Or we compare him unfavorably with other men. When we do that, especially in front of others, we make him feel as if he’s been struck with a lash.

If your husband confides more easily in others than he does in you, there IS a wall in place. You have hurt his sensitive pride when he has confided to you in the past. He will not want to risk being hurt again. He probably also feels resentful towards you.

 A common way is to show a lack of confidence in him. We have to be so careful to think before we speak. Things like suggesting he call a mechanic when he can’t get the car started. Or suggesting that he doesn’t earn enough money.  ‘We can’t afford it.’ Who’s ever said that?

 Another common one is advising him on masculine matters when he hasn’t asked for our advice. We must think so carefully before speaking. Watch out for a drop in his countenance. That’s a warning signal. Keep him smiling. As long as he’s smiling warmly at you, all is well.

Common ways a woman wounds a man’s sensitive pride:

Don’t underestimate the power of these things to harm your relationship. They can temporarily kill your husband’s love for you stone dead.


 o Criticising his weaknesses.

o Speaking angrily when he fails in a masculine area of responsibility.

o Disagreeing with him on masculine matters.

o Pouring cold water on his ideas.

o Giving him advice when he has not asked for it.

o Discussing his career or occupation as if you know  as much about it as he does.

o Reminding him how you struggle on his income.

o Telling others how much your parents have done for  you since you got married.

o Admiring a masculine quality in another man.

o Suggesting he call a repair man when he is trying to repair something.

o Not paying attention when he is telling you about something of which he is proud.

o Not praising him when he does something outstandingly well.

o Telling him he is losing his figure or his hair.

o Holding yourself up as an example for him to follow.

o Reminding him of your superior education.

o Excelling him in a male-dominated sport such as athletics, golf, swimming.

o Going out to work when he would prefer that you stayed at home.

o Telling others that you have to go out to work to make ends meet.

 There is another reason why a man may not confide in his wife, even when she is not hurting his pride. That is when she is a blabber mouth. When he can not trust her to keep it to herself. We must learn to be discreet when our husband confides in us.

 Why do men try to excel in business and in their careers? Where does their motivation and drive come from? Why do they keep striving for bigger and better things, or more fame?”

Admiration is their reward. The admiration of other men. And just as important, the admiration of their wife. That is a man’s greatest joy. Remember, your husband needs your admiration more than he needs your love. Few women know this great truth.

“A man needs to feel loved, but not as much as he needs to feel admired.”
“A woman needs to feel admired, but not as much as she needs to feel loved.”
Why is your admiration so important to your husband?  Because it makes him feel manly. Feeling manly is the most pleasant and enjoyable feeling a man can experience. Our husbands, and our sons too, often do and say things in our presence, hoping to receive admiration and praise. But most women are too busy with other things to notice.
The woman who knows how to admire a man’s masculinity is the woman who wins his heart. She is an angel in his eyes. You can use this masculine admiration principle to help your husband become a better man. First, you need to have a trusting belief in his better side. Then, whenever he does something right, or good in his masculine responsibilities, sincerely praise him for it. Make him feel manly. Also remind him of good things he’s done in the past that have impressed you. Do this daily in the weeks ahead, until it becomes a habit. Watch him develop and grow. You’ll be so proud of him.
Men are very proud of their muscles. If your husband’s muscles aren’t well developed, at least admire his strength, especially when he undoes a tight lid for you, or lifts something heavy. We can also admire our husband’s deep voice, his beard or moustache, his sex drive and ability to please you in this area. That’s very important to a man.Or his strong build, especially if he’s short. His driving skills, his gardening skills, his handyman abilities, his career skills which is another highly important area to a man. Admire anything he excels at of a manly nature. Just be sincere and you cannot go wrong. But don’t overdo it. Don’t gush. Remember, watch for his smile.
Don’t praise him for how well he does the dishes, or the vacuuming, or makes the beds. That won’t stir his love for you. But when you praise him for manly qualities, like running and other sports, driving, navigation, work skills, you touch his heart. Even give sincere praise for small masculine accomplishments, like hammering a nail in straight, sawing a straight line, or backing a trailer.
It’s a wonderful feeling for a husband to have a wife who truly admires him. When you admire him, you make him feel like you feel when he buys you flowers unexpectedly. But again I must warn, BE SINCERE.
Also, BE SPECIFIC. Say exactly what it is that you admire about him. The more specific the better. Rather than say for example, ‘What nice legs you have’. You might say, ‘What strong, well-shaped thighs you have.
A man’s occupation is an important masculine function. Even after he has retired we should remind him of his past successes.  When your husband feels that he can trust you to respect his masculinity, he will confide to you his deepest and innermost thoughts. This is when you begin to awaken his deepest love.
Yes, we women have great power over the destiny of our man.

How do you praise your husband?

Praise one of your husband’s masculine qualities before he goes to sleep tonight.


Source: “Fascinating womanhood” by Helen Andelin