ADMIRATION OF HIS MASCULINE QUALITIES
THAT is your husband’s greatest need. Yes, a woman’s greatest need is to be loved, but a man is different. His greatest need is to be admired.
Admiration is the food of a man’s soul. He needs it daily. He yearns for it. He craves it. Men will even give their lives for it. On the other hand, failing to keep this law, and wounding our husband’s sensitive male pride, causes him to suffer deep hurt. He becomes very unhappy.
We women ARE born with a desire for strong and caring male leadership. While men, with their highly sensitive masculine pride, and strong muscular bodies are programmed, so to speak, to lead women.
This strong, God-given pride is what drives men to want to lead, and to protect, and to provide for women. God has programmed it into men so to speak. This strong desire in a man to protect and provide for a woman, is just like the strong mothering instinct God has programmed into we women. In the same way it drives us to protect and provide for our children.
We wives can deeply hurt our husband without realizing it. Our words can cause him severe mental pain. This is why so many men erect an invisible wall around themselves. A wall of silence, to protect against this pain. They stop confiding in us, and only rarely have long conversations with us. They will not share with us their innermost feelings, although they long to do so.
This can be heartbreaking for a wife. She despairs of ever breaking through his wall of silence. Yet she will sometimes hear her husband confiding to others. Sharing his thoughts and problems and dreams in a way that he never does with her. This causes her much distress and unhappiness.
Now sometimes we deliberately hurt our husband’s pride with a sharp tongue and angry tone, but more often we do it in jest. We laugh or mock some masculine quality about him. Or we compare him unfavorably with other men. When we do that, especially in front of others, we make him feel as if he’s been struck with a lash.
If your husband confides more easily in others than he does in you, there IS a wall in place. You have hurt his sensitive pride when he has confided to you in the past. He will not want to risk being hurt again. He probably also feels resentful towards you.
A common way is to show a lack of confidence in him. We have to be so careful to think before we speak. Things like suggesting he call a mechanic when he can’t get the car started. Or suggesting that he doesn’t earn enough money. ‘We can’t afford it.’ Who’s ever said that?
Another common one is advising him on masculine matters when he hasn’t asked for our advice. We must think so carefully before speaking. Watch out for a drop in his countenance. That’s a warning signal. Keep him smiling. As long as he’s smiling warmly at you, all is well.
Common ways a woman wounds a man’s sensitive pride:
Don’t underestimate the power of these things to harm your relationship. They can temporarily kill your husband’s love for you stone dead.
COMMON MISTAKES WIVES MAKE THAT INJURE THEIR HUSBANDS’ SENSITIVE PRIDE
o Criticising his weaknesses.
o Speaking angrily when he fails in a masculine area of responsibility.
o Disagreeing with him on masculine matters.
o Pouring cold water on his ideas.
o Giving him advice when he has not asked for it.
o Discussing his career or occupation as if you know as much about it as he does.
o Reminding him how you struggle on his income.
o Telling others how much your parents have done for you since you got married.
o Admiring a masculine quality in another man.
o Suggesting he call a repair man when he is trying to repair something.
o Not paying attention when he is telling you about something of which he is proud.
o Not praising him when he does something outstandingly well.
o Telling him he is losing his figure or his hair.
o Holding yourself up as an example for him to follow.
o Reminding him of your superior education.
o Excelling him in a male-dominated sport such as athletics, golf, swimming.
o Going out to work when he would prefer that you stayed at home.
o Telling others that you have to go out to work to make ends meet.
There is another reason why a man may not confide in his wife, even when she is not hurting his pride. That is when she is a blabber mouth. When he can not trust her to keep it to herself. We must learn to be discreet when our husband confides in us.
Why do men try to excel in business and in their careers? Where does their motivation and drive come from? Why do they keep striving for bigger and better things, or more fame?”
Admiration is their reward. The admiration of other men. And just as important, the admiration of their wife. That is a man’s greatest joy. Remember, your husband needs your admiration more than he needs your love. Few women know this great truth.
How do you praise your husband?
Praise one of your husband’s masculine qualities before he goes to sleep tonight.
Source: “Fascinating womanhood” by Helen Andelin